Day 4: The words we use

The boys somehow, mostly remember the not so nice things that I say. And manage to forget all the other wonderful, meaningful, praise , kind and sensitive things I say. Words matter and its stick real close to their heart.  I don't want them to grow up and say "Mum hardly said anything nice to us, Oh she was so negative all the time". "And what about all that instructions and orders she barked at us all the time?"

What can I do to overcome that and make sure they have good memories of the things we say as parents?

How do I become a parent who  uses words of encouragement, words of praise and wisdom. Words of kindness and love?

Though we have to be careful of going over the top with praising them. Strike a balance in complementing them in things they do. I heard somewhere that if we wear three rubber bands on one hand, we needs to have all three of them moved to the other hand by the end of the day. We move each one of them, when we have complemented them, or praised them for something they have done. Three good things. Now , we can say three things. That easy. Ya, right! You'd think so. I tried it and it was hard the first few days.

Praise is sort of a feedback for kids. We want to build their confidence and give them positive meaningful praise for the things they do.

I have to choose the incidents or those things to let go for the greater good. Avoiding to nitpick at every little thing. Imagine hearing ourselves, if all that we say throughout the day was recorded. Shasta a great place to start in realising the way we use words, not only with our children, but spouses and others around.

Day 3: Date Nights

Before David was born we started doing date nights. Well, we did it only a few times. But the intention was to do it once every month for each child, each parent. In the busyness of life , its so hard to get one -one- time with the boys.

We went for a local festival last Sunday and took a silly picture

Benjamin and I once went to the book store, and sat at the coffee shop and talked. I asked him how he felt when I was in the hospital with David. And he opened up. And shared his feelings exactly. We talked about it. Later, we went and bought one of his favourite book series. I did the same with Elijah another time. And asked him the same question. He said "I don't know ". Mind you , he was only 4 years old. We left it at that and continued our evening. I am going to pick it up from this month.

It is such a precious time to have with each child. They look forward to it and becomes a tradition. They know its special time with Mama. You don't have to buy them something every time or spend money on it.

Here are some ideas: (Would you add to it in the comment box?)

1. To the movies
2. Pancake house(Common here in the Netherlands) Or go to an ice cream place 
3. Going out for walks, discovering a new part of the neighbourhood/parks/interesting buildings
4. Board game night
5. Bake with them
6. Go out for lunch/dinner
7. Go shopping
8. Geocaching (which I would love to explore and start)
9. Go to a book store
10. Get a manicure done together (for girls)
11. Make something creative
12. Go out to the local zoo , or petting zoo.
13. Volunteer at a soup kitchen (I would like to find an alternative to something here in the Netherlands)
14. Do a photoshoot with you and that child
15. Slouch on the couch and play on the Ipad/Videogames and have one of those "sometimes junk food". (Go ahead, I give you permission. I am sure boys will definitely love this)

Day 2: Doing what we can with what we have

Already on Day 2, and I missed writing. Can I blame it on a Friday? And two cakes to make for the weekend? And kids? Well, grace in all things , I believe. Todays to do is to find a way to organise the 31 days write for efficiency.

Elijah didn't have school on Friday(The kinder-garters don't have school every other Friday). This was a great opportunity to spend some alone time with him. Other than dragging him to 3 cake stores to buy my cake supplies(One shop was closed, the other had no stock of most things having a delayed delivery that week, and finally all the way in the centre , I found what I needed), we did have a good day.

Most of my days goes in feeding David. He doesn't drink with a cup or bottle. And he feed by spoon. Thankfully , I have a bottle spoon gadget. I just need to squeeze from the bottle on to the spoon and feed. But that still takes time. And I have to learn to spend and do things with the other two while I feed David. This is the phase I am going through and I have to make the best out of it.

So, while I fed David, I played math games with him on the I pad. We listened to Bible stories and their activities per story. Discussed about it and spend an hour, Elijah on the floor and me on the couch. He really thrives of "talking". I answered his ever so many questions, said funny things to which we laughed hilariously.

That's the only time I got with him the whole day, amidst activities and me going our for my birthday dinner with the ladies. But that was a great 1 hour.

We have to do with what we have and make the best out of it. In the past I would fret over the times I couldn't do special things with the boys. I have all the time I need while I feed David to think about many things. With two hands occupied , I can't do anything but think and pray. Keeps me focussed because I can't do anything else. For this multi- takers thats difficult. So I do, what I must do and can do best. Pray for them.

Nothing better than focussed prayer for your children.
Doing what we can, with what we have to be intentional with them. Nothing adventurous but sweet and simple.

Day 1: Write 31 Days topic reveal

I did my first "Write 31 days" in 2012. It was new and exciting and it was hard to make sure I wrote every day. In 2014, I started but couldn't finish as David was born 2 weeks early.  Here we are in 2015 and I am looking forward to sharing, learning and improving my writing.

I began thinking of this years "31 days to..." early September. Very soon I knew what it would be. With 3 boys and a busy week I knew this was it.

31 days to creating memories with your children.

Spending a lot of time with a baby, I realised that I hardly had anytime to spend  with the older two. I fed and bathe them and did the bare minimum. And of course scream and nag and annoyed them. But time was going by and I was losing building memories with them. I knew that I didn't have to do spectacular things with them to create memories. It was in those small everyday moments. And even that needs to be planned and intentional.

The memories I have as a child are those of times spend together as a family. During the summer , if we didn't go to India, we would learn a Bible verse, and a word everyday. At the end of the summer we would have to say all the verses we could and say the meaning of random words. The one with the most number of correct verses gets special prize. Another memory, was the times when we would sit at the kitchen floor and have lunch after we came back from school. These are just few of the many memories.

I want to build simple memories like this with my children. So when they grow up they will fondly remember the special things we did as a family.

This is for me and hopefully for you . Especially during a time when life is busy and hectic ,I want to intentionally choose my children over the hectic lifestyle. The ideas need to be realistic and practical so that it can be done and it will have  a lasting impact on me and my family .

Here's to 31 days to creating memories with your children .

Day 1: Write 31 days topic reveal
Day 2:  Doing what we can with what we have
Day 3: Date Night
Day 4: The words we use
Day 5: Memories from everyday moments for later
Day 6: Family Devotion
Day 7: Reading
Day 8:Dont panic about creating memories
Day 9: A fun present for my boys when they are adults
Day 10:  Traditions
Day  11: Gift of time
Day 12: Do a marthon
Day 13: Photographs
Day 14:Creating Memories Quotes
Day 15: Vacations
Day 16: More photos
Day 17:
Day 18:
Day 19:
Day 20:
Day 21:
Day 22:
Day 23:
Day 24:
Day 25:
Day 26:
Day 27:
Day 28:
Day 29:
Day 30:
Day 31:

To the movies with 7

Last week I braved on to take 2 five year olds, 3 eight year olds, and 2 nine years to see the movie Inside Out. By bus. It was fun and the kids weren't too much to handle. They were a decent bunch.

Inside Out was a lovely movie and I even shed a few tears towards the end. It strangely spoke to me so much. With a bunch of emotions , Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear guiding the life of this girl, it was important to see we need all of these. Even sadness , anger, fear and disgust.Not only joy. Now Joy always tried to keep sadness away from the controls, as Joy wanted to keep the girl also happy and cheerful. But sadness puts her hand here and there and disrupts the rhythm that joy were careful manages. Long story short Joy realises that you need sadness to come in order to ask for help and be with the people you love and care most.

We often try to let joy stand out on our faces and keep sadnesses inside , letting none see that. But God does and He wants us to come to Him and have His comforting arms around us, His healing touch on us....

Well, that was my penny worth from Inside Out....

First day : Group 5, Group 2 ,at the gastouder, and mama back to work

We have have been getting into the routine of getting back into routine. With a 7 week summer holiday, things can get out of routine. Very soon.

The boys went back to school two Monday ago. Benjamin in Group 5 and Elijah in group 2. Benjamin came back that afternoon and said , it was all exciting in the beginning. And then after a couple of hours it got hard, as they already started with work. He wasn't too keen on working right after holidays.

Elijah was his usual self , slipped right back into where he left at school before the summer. And he likes his new teacher.

It was also a first time for David to stay away from me and with someone else. A complete stranger. His gastouder. In the Netherlands there is an option other than daycare, where there is a sort of smaller daycare at houses of registered carers.They can only have 5 kids at a time. And not 5 babies definitely. But different age ratios. Gastouder loosely translates "Guest parents". And this one is a 2 min walk from home. I was an emotional wreck leaving him there for the 2 hours I was away,  getting back into work. He survived. Thankfully I have only 4 hours of work at the moment. And that gives both David and I to get used used to being away from each, new carer, and me getting used to working again. I clearly needed help as I forgot how to beep my self into school at the gate. And I am sure I have forgotten a few names of teachers.

New beginnings!

India Trip 2015

As usual a trip to India isn't for holidaying. Its usually filled with weddings and meeting family and friends. It isn't a typically scene of resting and feet up in front of the back waters or in a house boat. Its the mad rush of shopping, visiting, wedding parties and breaking an every year record of how many can get in a car. Stressful? Yes, but absolutely fun, and in the DNA of an Indian. A holiday in India isn't complete without all these. 

We took off for our first trip with David a few days before school closed for Big One and Big Two. We were quite anxious how David would feed and be in the long journey towards Trivandrum. With a very short transit time at Abu Dhabi, we missed our connecting flight to Trivandrum from there. We decided it was best for all of us to have that break in Abu Dhabi and catch the flight the following day.  It was an all paid stay for a day outside the airport in a great hotel with all the yummy food . A great preparation for our gastric systems as we embark on an all eat out for the month. Even though being there during  the month of Ramadan, food was available for us in the hotel. If I remember right, the kids have been eating lamb biriyani ever since we stepped out of the Netherlands. They were in biriyani heaven. We didn't have to step out of the hotel and could take the connecting pass from the hotel to the mall next door. We were shopping for swimming trunks for the boys. They were more expensive than back in the Netherlands. Nevertheless, we bought them and the kids and Bobby enjoyed themselves swimming at the pool with the Arabian beach as their backdrop. 

Meeting Sherin and her family

We reached humid Trivandrum , and all the frenzies began.  Starting with my cousins engagement party, visiting old friends from Manipal and Eindhoven in Ernakulam and visiting the famous Lulu mall. That mall had so much people on the escalators and outside stores than inside them. There was Rolex, Swarovski , Branded stores like Tommy Hilfiger , Mango, All the famous gold stores and elite boutiques. Then there was McDonalds and other food courts. There even was theatres and kids entertainment centre with roller coaters and other rides. the parking and traffic just to get in and get out was out of this world. And we those first day of Eid to shop!

Lisa's Wedding

A few days in Changanaserry and a trip in between to Trivandrum for David's baptism made our 3 hours traveling in between a piece of cake. David's baptism went well and surprisingly had a completely revamped liturgy. I remembered for Benjamin and Elijah's baptism , even though it was a baptism , the service appeared to be more of a thanksgiving /dedication type , which I was happy about. But this time, there were highlights about infant baptism being the right way and people might say various things about it. Basically, it wasn't a thanksgiving/dedication feel to it at all. Lets leave it there.

The Rajagiri cousins 

Festivities continued with my cousins wedding, my dad in India for 3 days only, cousins , aunts and uncles also having a flying visit. It all went too quick  and hurried. I hardly got a chance to spend time with them, let alone talk to them for more than 30 minutes. My dad, brother and his wife left the same day after the wedding. The house was empty suddenly. And we left back to Trivandrum too. Preparing ourselves for Bobby's brothers wedding coming up in 5 days. Those 5 days was a bit more relaxed and we got to do our things too in between. Staying in Bobby's home was fun with 5 grandkids, and that too 5 boys in the house. A full house with fun , babies crying, adults chatting , kitchen working continually.  

The wedding was wonderful and we welcomed our new sister in law into our family. They were there with us after the wedding until we left . It was wonderful to get to know her even more. 

The day we were leaving we asked our kids  how they felt about going back. Benjamin was ready to come back and Elijah was ready to start school and live in India with his grandparents. I can speak for David and say he was ready to come back to Eindhoven too. 

As always, a month in India is always filled with weddings and meeting friends and family. The rush , the busyness, the tiredness, the shopping, is all worth it!

My yearly homage to Pongal, Lays Tomato tango chips,and Egg puff. A holiday is never complete without these.

The new couple

A few "EPIC" things I forgot to mention , because of writing at 12:30 am are the cricket matches and badminton games at Changanserry.

Visiting Bobby's sisters and brother in laws new home.

And Mummy's (Bobby's mothers sister) grand lunch party with her newly famous falooda. Its got all of wanting to make that now.