To Ellen with love

These words to Ellen are a random collection of conversations I have had in my head with God and Ellen over the last 2 weeks. In an attempt to put this to rest and clear my head, to put things in perspective... to connect the head knowledge to the way my heart feels... broken and in fear.... never doubting God though..but unsure and distraught of HIS ways. Knowing its only good that comes from Him but yet afraid of that good not matching my hearts desire....... You get my rambling eh?

And the only way I know best is to pour out my heart to you .... my best friend.... 

Dearest  Ellen ,

It's been a little over two weeks since you left us. And it is still so hard to say that . I kept on saying to myself that I couldn't believe  that you were gone. Thursday was a hard day for all of us. Actually ,everyday has been hard. We said our goodbyes to the person you were here on earth in the morning. We were set to celebrate your life here and give thanks in the afternoon. You would have had your jaws drop if you saw how full the church was. Ellen, so many came to celebrate you . Your girls wore their best dress... I think they wore it one Christmas perhaps... And they were well behaved...

I know it doesn't matter to you now... and won't need to ask HIM why? You are in HIS arms, filling your new Home with your heart filling .. heart warming laughter.... We all still hear it.... And THE ONE gets to hear it up close now. I bet you are busy discovering this place and all it has in store for you. 

Everyday for us... your closest , we are reminded of you in the smallest of ways. We look to each other to get that nod ... its okay.. we will get there. 

I have been listening to a lot of music these days(Hillsongs United :Of dirt and grace)... And every time, I hear God's soft words for me... to keep and treasure ... when I am ready. 

The Prince of peace met me there...  

His ways are Higher.....

We are no longer slaves to fear......

Be still... and know that I am GOD......

You were ready to leave us ... but we weren't.... I promise you.. we weren't selfish to keep to here... in pain. We wanted you completely healed and well again. And we knew God would do it. Because He has done it before .... Spoken to Lazarus and Jairus daughter yet, Ellen? 

I watched you shortly after you left us that Thursday ... to rise .....The Breath of God to fill your chest. I watched closely for your chest to rise... Rise .. I prayed... Rise...

There is still time.... 

Until the following  Wednesday... 6 days after....

I stood there until they closed you in that thing they call a coffin... waiting for God to come and show His glory and power.. For those around who came to see you one last time... those who didn't know You.... Oh! how many would have given their heart to HIM... What a miracle it would be.... 

I waited and waited ... but...

He had other plans.....

We celebrated you the following day at your home church... Daniel and Martyna, as per your request lead worship ... Annelies sang to your parents....we celebrated indeed with funny stories... You would have been embarrassed and blushing pink.... Your Pa and Ma ,  your sisters Jose and Marja heard of the ways you touched our hearts in so many ways..... We saw through them what a fun loving.... prank pulling girl you were.... We saw Rosie and Hannah in the childhood pictures that flashed across the screen.... We remembered New wine, holidays, lazy around moments we shared together. Our weddings.... the birth of our children.. their birthdays...our birthdays .... Christmas and New Year... and most Sundays.... We shared life so much at the table.... You would look to me .. asking if a particular dish was spicy or not. Remember? 

I had plans to put up the typical Dutch "Sarah" inflatable for your 50th...

I know in my head WHY... but the journey to the heart is slow and painful. 

I surrender...... Lord... have your way.... in me.

Ellen,  dearest, I will miss you so much.... 

Worry not about Martin and the girls ... we will look after them.....

Until we meet again.. 

Yours,

Manju

I will sing your praise

Even when it hurts : Hillsongs United (Of Dirt and Grace)

Take this fainted heart

Take these tainted hands

Wash me in your love

Come like grace again

Even when my strength is lost

I'll praise you

Even when I have no song

I'll praise you

Even when it's hard to find the words

Louder then I'll sing your praise

I will only sing your praise

Take this mountain weight

Take these ocean tears

Hold me through the trial

Come like hope again

Even when the fight seems lost

I'll praise you

Even when it hurts like hell

I'll praise you

Even when it makes no sense to sing

Louder then I'll sing your praise

I will only sing your praise

I will only sing your praise

I will only sing your praise

I will only sing your praise

And my heart burns only for you

You are all you are all I want

And my soul waits only for you

And I will sing till the morning has come

Lord my heart burns only for you

You are all you are all I want

And my soul waits only for you
And I will sing till the miracle comes

I will only sing your praise

I will only sing your praise
I will only sing your praise

Even when the morning comes

I'll praise you

Even when the fight is won

I'll praise you

Even when my time on earth is done

Louder then I'll sing your praise

I will only sing your praise

Coincidentally, my other best friend Tracey put up her post (Click here) this morning. Guess we were ready for the next baby step....So I came back to edit and add her post.... for you to read too.... A fitting tribute to how we feel , more stories and who Ellen is. Yes... "Is".

Five Minute Friday : Test

Five minutes of unedited writing . Here is the word. TEST .  Go for it.


How appropriate for today. As my dear friend lies in hospital struck with the " days to live" report, I reel back and forth the "why"  and "I trust you Lord. You are a good God. You are in control " wagon.

On Wednesday we had a prayer evening for her and we were all in one accord , in asking for healing. One was reminded of Daniel's friends in the fire. The fire got hotter. God was among them. And they came out even without the smell of smoke on them.

This is the perfect spot to be in. To trust in Him completely. No worldly hope left. But our HOPE lies in HIM.

And that' not all. We are full of joy even when we suffer. We know that our suffering gives us the strength to go on. The strength to go on produces character, Character produces hope. And hope will never let us down. God has poured His love into our hearts. He did it through the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us.
Romans 5:3-5 (NIRV)

Dear brother and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed , you will be perfect and complete , needing nothing.
James 1:2-4 (NLT)

It seems hard to consider it an opportunity for great joy. But whatever the earthy situation seems like, we are asked to ASK. We are asked to sow Words of truth, life, and blessing. 

The rest is up to God, because the battle belongs to the Lord.

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NLT)

Glory to you O Lord for ever and ever.

Family visit April 2016

The benefit of my brother working in Bosch, California is that he gets to come to  the German  office at least twice a year. And thankfully its just 5 hours from Eindhoven. Since he was coming  my parents visited us in April at the  same time. We decided to book a holiday home somewhere in between Eindhoven and Mithun's work base. We got a good Landal (Sonnenberg)vacation home booking close to Trier.  

We treasure these full family moments. It always feels like when we were kids again. It would have been complete if his wife Ria could have joined us. 

The area around our holiday home itself was beautiful and we enjoyed a day of just walking around and relaxing at parks when the kids wanted to play.

Another day we visited Trier. It was a beautiful archeological town and we enjoyed every bit of it.We even met Malayalee nuns when we were walking around the Bishops gardens. We spend a few minutes silently smiling at each other, since we already figured out where we were from. It just took a minute longer to break the ice and ask the famous question : Are you Malayalee ? (of course in Malayalam).

We had great eat outs, which I treasure and enjoy.(Anything other than eating my own cooked food). And of course my mum brought a crate full of mutton biriyani, beef curry, and cutlet for the brother. Other than meeting us and for work, his sole reason for coming is to eat his mums food.

The boys had a great time with Appacha , Ammachi and Tutumama. And of course enjoyed the gifts and goodies that came with them.

Benjamin turns 9

Benjamin celebrated his 9th birthday March with his friends at a "Espionage adventure". They were given a GPS and coordinates. Following clues and the coordinates , they were supposed to find the bank robber. It was hard to keep their interest and attention. I guess the 9 years was a bit on the border to truly understand this and enjoy it. To add to this , we were supposed to guide this bunch on our own. Somewhere in between Bobby returned with the kids finding it hard to find clues and follow the plot. And some of the kids had completely lost the plot altogether. So those who were interested to finish it got to solve the mystery with the people in charge. The rest who were least bothered were happy to jump around in the bouncy castle and make use of the wonderful park on site. 

So all in all it was a decent party and the every kid enjoyed it.

This year Benjamin wanted a "Diary of a wimpy kid" themed cake. I went the easy route and designed an edible front page and got it printed off at a bakery . All I needed to make was the "book" cake. 

We came back , cut the cake and opened presents...

10 years

It was our 10th wedding anniversary on the 29th of December. I can't believe 10 years have come and gone. We spend the day remembering how we came together, the ups and down and of course the times when the boys were born and every year since then. We remember the years with the boys as our reference point to particular events and fun times.

Ellen our dear friend , gifted us an evening of babysitting the 3 boys , so we could go out for dinner. We chose a nice restaurant called De Beleving in St. Oedenrode .

Here is to another 10 and more!

Bobby decided to take the pictures of me and food!

Elijah turns 6

Catching up after a few months, I thought I would update you all on the birthdays and news after the Christmas holidays.

We started this years birthdays with Elijah turning 6 in February. Since his birthday was during the Carnival holiday, we had the kids party the Wednesday before school closed. In India or back home in Kuwait we were allowed to wear a new dress and specifically not the school uniform but a party wear for our birthday in school. Everyone knew that must be the birthday person. Well, since the boys school were in carnival mode, things were crazy. Wednesday was crazy hair day. Thursday was pyjama day and Friday the kids wore their much awaited costume. So, Elijah celebrated his class birthday with the singing and "traktactie"(Dutch for goodie bag for food or small fun playthings to be handed to the kids, some examples of what people usually do are in the pictures below). The day we got to do it was on the Thursday.

So, Elijah got all dressed up for his birthday celebration in school ...... in his pyjama!
After a bit of a confusion with the teacher on the timing of the celebration, I made it to celebrate a part of it and hand out the goodies. I did get emotional when the teacher said they already celebrated in the morning. She didn't even think to call me find out. This would be the last year that I can come into the classroom and celebrate with him.

The day before on Wednesday we celebrated his birthday with his friends.
Elijah requested a Lego themed birthday this year.  I scavenged around Pinterest and had to choose from the thousands of pins that were so attractive.So here we go, these are pictures from his school birthday party.

The Lego cake

Elijah and his friends

The Lego theme table. With the lego decorations and lego blocks in a vase. M&M sweeties.

I drew a Lego man on the T shirt with fabric pens and the kids colored in it.

Lego brownie brick: The kids could ice the cake block with an icing color of their choice and they would stick the M&M on it.

The birthday boy ready to blow the cake

Lego T Shirts on display

Presents opening time

Singing songs

Giving the goody bags

The traktatie: Cup with popcorn and home made lego gummies. click on Lego gummies to watch the youtube video on how I made these.

Elijah puts them under their chairs and when they open their eyes, magically they find goody bags under their chair.

Birthday boy on his throne

We are so proud of this strong willed, organized, cute little 6 year old! May God bless you abundantly and may you grow up to be a mighty warrior for Him!

Christmas Holidays : Part 2: Aachen

Drielandpunt

The Monday after Christmas we decided to go for a day trip to Aachen. We knew all the Christmas market things would be taken down. But we just wanted to go somewhere new. We left around 10 am and reached "drielandpunt" . This in in the Vaalserberg  area with the  location of the tripoint between Germany, Belgium and the Netherlands and its summit is therefore referred to as Drielandenpunt ("Three-Country Point") in Dutch. This is the highest point in the Netherlands. Not so high compared to mountains in Belgium and Germany but high enough for the flat country.
















The kids had a nice morning enjoying the play area, going through the labyrinth and enjoying the scenery.  We went into the restaurant and the kids had their free hot chocolate that came with the labyrinth. It was cool for them to put there feet on three countries at the same time. 

Dutch winner for managing 3 boys

Enjoying German sausages

We had our sandwiches in the car while I fed David. Aachen was just 20 minutes from here. 


We went around the small town and found the cathedral which Aachen was famous for. This cathedral built in AD 796 and completed two years later was the largest cathedral North of the Alps. It was very boring for Elijah, which he made sure to let us know multiple times before disappearing multiple times. Benjamin tried to keep an excited face and not get it from us. There were parts that he enjoyed too. For Elijah it wasn't "cool" enough. 

After being for for 30 minutes we came out and walked the streets. We had a typical German sausage which was the high point for the boys. A little bit more walking around the centre area the kids were happy to be seeing things. We spotted a typical Aachen cookie shop  called the Aachen Printen (There were many in this small city).

The Elisenbrunnen is one of the most famous sights of Aachen. It is a neo-classical hall covering one of the city's famous fountains. To commemorate Aachen's long tradition of spas and baths, in 1827 the town erected the Elisenbrunnen, an elaborate structure with a drinking fountain and a colonnade in Friedrich-Wilhelm-Platz. A series of plaques highlight the names of some of the many famous people who traveled here to sample its curative waters. It is just a minute away from the cathedral. It used to be a Roman bath. Which was hilarious to the boys. They just couldn't believe that the water was used as a healing drink. And because of the water from the fountain being high on sulphur ,it stank like rotten eggs.  A few toilet jokes later the boys were in good spirit. It doesn't take much to get them jolly.

We headed back to the car park around 17:30. I fed David while we drove back to Eindhoven. A nice day out with the family and back home to sleep in our own beds.  

Famous for their fountains

A wool shop with a bike covered in wool in front of the shop

 

The city centre

A beautifully decorated Printen shop

At the play area