Pursue

New Year resolutions are words in the past. At least for me. I refuse to resolve. Because I don't . I make great goals and lists. And I am hard core about it for a few weeks. Then, the expected, I fall flat on my face and refuse to pick myself up and try.  So, I have chosen the easy way and choose not to resolve.

This year, again I was strong and did not waver to all the buzz around New Year resolutions, SMART goals, baby goals. But then I heard somewhere, to ask yourself  2 questions. I can do that, as long as I don't have to make goals and make myself a better person. 

What worked last year?
What didn't work last year ?

I had no idea. I had no idea. Did I just type that again?
I just sailed across last year, passing along. I wasn't working on achieving anything, just surviving day to day. Doing what needed to be done. Mind you, I was happy and we were blessed in many ways. But what did I achieve? Staying happy and being grateful, of course.  But just the thought of passing along, seemed a bit out of place.

I like the thought of asking God what I need to focus on this year. What do You need me to do ? How do You want me to grow? Am I approaching Your perfect plan? Warmer? Cold? It would have been great to hear back clear audible answers. You tell me and I will obey. As that slips out, I track back and think, what if He  asks me to do something difficult, takes something away? Of course, if He asks , He will provide and give me power along the way(first sermon from Bill Hybel, Willow Creek this year).Everything that I have comes from Him. I know the theory, but am I ready for the practical.
Usually, this conversation in my mind, that I type out takes a few minutes, but it is usually on slow play and drags throughout the year. And then its time to think the same thing again next year.

I think I am getting tired of just sailing. I am grateful, my family and I  have been blessed beyond and more. But......

So, here I am after stumbling on One Word 365 , and praying about it, confirming with various other things, God wants me to PURSUE.

PURSUE
                 MY FAMILY
                 HEALTHY LIVING
                 FOR HIM
                 WRITING


a long list ,I know

As One Word 365 says:
Choose just one word.
One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live. One word that you can focus on every day, all year long.
It will take intentionality and commitment, but if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.
Discover the big impact one word can make.
One word. 365 days. A changed life.

A sense of "pursuing" in everything I do.Hopefully, I will, with God's help, work towards it, and try to write about it.

 PURSUE: to try to get or do (something) over a period of time

                : to be involved in (an activity)

Landing

The trip of the year is finally here. After a successful calming down, planning and of course God , we were able to do the Indians outreach for Christmas at church , the Christmas fair, wind up at work with reports and invoicing , things to do with the house....... The list tend to get terribly long. It gives one such joy to cross off every one of those " things to do "off the board.

Even  so there is always something to do at the last minute. We left home Wednesday morning 1.5 hours later than expected. Hoping that we wouldn't miss our flight , we got stuck in the traffic en route  Dusseldorf. As Bobby left us at the airport entrance  to rush and check in, he left to park the car at the airport parking. Thankfully, they didn't need to see him to check him in. With 1.5 hours left to boarding, we could even sit down to have breakfast. Chocolate croissant covered the table. We were famished and so were the kids .

The kids settled into their seats and were excited to take off, so they could begin their unlimited TV viewing.  With gaps of lunch and doing coloring and  puzzles, I was glad that their eyes weren't blood shot red when we reached Abu Dhabi. An  hour delay to catch our next flight, we hung around the gate. The kids were surprisingly fine . As we settled into our flight the kids slept off. I could at least feed  Benjamin some   dinner while Elijah was completely out.

My goal was to watch the maximum number of movies I could watch.  So I watched man of steel, the Great Gatsby and the new Star Trek movie.( I didn't have time to check the exact name as I was rushing to finish the movie before we landed.)

After a quick exit at the immigrations and the baagage collection area we entered Gods own country with gush of good old humidity. We were welcomed by my father in law and brother in law.

It was wonderfully to see family and especially my very first nephew , little Noah .

On Saturday, my parents came to see us and invite people from around  Trivandrum. The boys were overjoyed to see their grandparents .

We visited Bobby's aunt and uncle. His uncle had suffered a stroke this year and his road to recovery has been good,but still taking its time. Even with a week right side, they aren't bound at home and try to still continue to get a taste of their traveling life they were used to earlier.  Its been hard to see them tired and not like their usual active self , but trusting God to care for their needs .

We visited another aunt and  uncle , but this time there wasn't a grand mother to hug and chat with. The house did feel different without her , she lived a full life without any major illnesses and slipped away when it was her time.

This morning my parents came to visit us and also invite a few people from here for the wedding. Visiting old friends and cousins are always lovely. But it was saddening to see my great grand aunt. My grandmother is her niece, but they were the same age. They lived in Singapore for many years and we call her Singapore Mummy. My grandmother and her are more like sisters. They  are great friends too.She was always eager to see us and loved to see me looking nice and plump. She wasn't

much for skinny girls . Her  cotton sarees  were neatly worn and stood stiff, well pleated. She stayed by herself in their ancestral home until recently. How can such a healthy person full of life just shrink so much. She just shrunk. Her collar bone sticking out, her arms dangling through the sleeves of her night dress. I had to search for that smile on her face.

My own grandmother who was so active until a few years ago, preaching at  woman's fellowships, going for a baptism and then a wedding , all in one day, suffer from early dementia. She now lives

in Kuwait and prefers to sleep all day and hardly speaks. There are a few active back to her usual self days which are treasured by family.

I don't think I have seen, or remember seeing close family change so much as they age. Maybe  it just didn't stick in my mind when we would come for the summer to India when we were still kids.

In a few days we will be going to my parents place and the festivities will begin.  It's hard to believe that my baby brother is getting married. Looking forward to all the fun and welcoming Ria and her family into ours.

Tree

I had a friend who lived in the outskirts of Eindhoven in a village called Valkenswaard. There were huge fields behind their house and her parents owned a plot shared with other people to garden and grow produce.I think like a small square, like allotments. On my way back once , we passed through this field which captivated me. One big flat green field with this huge tree heavy with growth, like a cloud. For a few seconds thats all I saw , and that image stuck. We would pass through that field many times more, after that and I would stop talking and savor the moment.

These past two weeks have been rough in many ways and accumulated to a pressure cooker moment and let off steam yesterday. A whiplash from a silly accident. Cant imagine how two stationary cars at a red light can cause an annoying whiplash. A foot slips and the car behind me bumps into mine. I have excellent knifes, thanks to my Mums and Tots Bible study group as a housewarming gift, and twice in the span of two week, I cut my finger. Deep. And you can't find a band aid at that moment. Even Sesame Street band aids. Falling off the stairs on our newly renovated ,painted, smooth stairs caused bumps and bruises. One time that I was thankful for being a not so slim person.

Being the month of November, with its fair share of Christmas events and fairs to bake for, preparing for our trip to India to celebrate my brothers wedding, seems all exciting. These are things I have been waiting for all year. Dreaming about the family events ,fun and family times at the wedding of the year.  To bake Christmas cakes and decorate them. And it all seems too much suddenly.Even though I only work 13 hours a week, its quite intensive working with kids with special needs. And the driving within the Eindhoven ring to drop the kids off school and to the daycare at two ends of Eindhoven, at peak hours is quite straining .I imagine viewing satellite images , and the government suspecting, why this sky blue Ford Fiesta  goes round the ring road constantly. I remember a certain person saying,"Don't burn both sides of the candle". Well, I haven't quite reached there, but close.

And thats when, after reading the word of the day, "TREE"  sparked the image of that tree immediately. A place of solitude and rest for the body,mind and soul.The study I did long ago,"A passionate life" says," We need to learn when it is our pruning time. Pruning is not automatic for the branch. Left on its own, the branch would continue to grow, increasing in size , but decreasing in strength, endurance , and health until it would be  unable to hold the fruit it is intended to bear. From abiding we grow. From growing we bear fruit. From bearing fruit we are cut back.  Healthy growth must be cut off in order to make more for future growth.

I haven't gone to that tree in years, but I got my share of that view at Cell group yesterday.

I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother.....
                                                                                             Psalm 131:2


I am joining Lisa Jo Baker and hundreds of other women, on the weekly Five minute Fridays. A word uttered by Lisa Jo and women write their share of unedited five minute worth in this space.

Grace

I tend to do my five minute Fridays a few weeks late. Something I need to change.

GO
As we have received grace freely, not that we deserve it, we forget its given for us and to graciously give to others. You know you need to fill your mouth with grace when talking to a difficult person,situation. I am forever conflicted between my mind and heart and rarely can keep that under control. But when I truly , not forced by me, render grace to one, things fall in the right place.

I am learning what grace means. Why did He give it to me? How do I bring grace in this situation? More questions than answers. But questions in a funny way lead you into a way of answers.

How do you show grace to someone of the same faith, but speak something that is so far away from the truth?
How do show grace and hang that coat on the hanger and put his shoes in the shoe rack?
How do you show grace to your kids when they have squeezed an entire tooth paste onto their pyjama?
How do you accept a person for who they are?
How do you comfort and be there for someone ill?
How do you show grace to someone who has hurt a friend?
I guess I have to start now.

STOP

A lifetime

On Monday, at 04:30 the phone rang. My heart twists horribly whenever the phone rings so early in the morning. And I wish people are calling just for a chat as they forgot about the time difference. It was Bobby's dad phone and I thought of many possibilities. All not good. Its crazy how much one can imagine the many thoughts and scenarios that pass through your head half asleep. I am amazed at the capacity of the brain. Bobby's grandmother passed away in her sleep in the early hours. She was 90 years old.

The first time I met her was at my wedding in 2005.Then she was able to walk and go everywhere. She joked so much and scolded people at the same time. She spoke to me like she knew like her other grand kids.

Every year we visited her and she did need a reminder of who I was and then she was like her usual. She jokingly complained about her daughter in law, and her daughter in law complained about her. And they would both laugh. There was a lot of laughter when she was in the conversation.

The last time we visited her was July 2012. Her memory had faded. But she still spoke. She was restricted to her room and the living room and she needed help with bathing and doing everything else.
We were happy that our kids could see her and know her. She was their great grand mother.

Over the last year she would have episodes of high blood pressure and temporary memory loss. Caring for her full time was hard on Bobby's uncle and aunt. And they always had to have someone near her at all times. She would stay with my parents in law, when they had to go somewhere on longer periods.

It's  easy to say that she wasnt sick and was lucky that she died in her sleep. But I am sure her children and grand children feel the loss.
 

July 2012 visit

December 2005 Our wedding

July 2012 visit

She

She walked into the classroom, with her long braids and glasses and a white coat on top of a yellow salwar.She had my same last name and her first name started with the same letter as my first name. We were together constantly for the next 4 years, to church , to internship out postings. Sitting at the front steps of the Admin building waiting for her mum to come out after meetings.Waving goodbye as her father picked them up to go home. I was already missing her as I walked back alone to the hostel. I cried at her wedding sad that she was going so far away, that she was someone else's and not mine anymore, but also, because  I wasn't married yet.

She sat across me in church and immediately covered me under her mama hen feathers. We watched bold and the beautiful and Oprah, licking at  a clay pot of spicy fish curry. Her husband slept on the couch as she let me sleep in their one bedroom home on their comfy bed with the air conditioner when I was so sick. She stayed awake most of the time. I cried at my wedding , as she helped me with my saree and makeup, thinking when I would see her again, since I was moving so far away, but also because I was afraid of the change.

She sat opposite me at a friends wedding wearing a black Chinese  dress. She gave me a tiny blue CD with her mix of Worship songs,not so long after. We loved window shopping.... not for clothes but for stationary. Cute notebooks. Cute pens. We enjoyed a  glass of wine most  Fridays when she came for the weekend from another city where she worked. I cried at her wedding, sad that she was going so far away, that she was someone else's  and not mine anymore, but also because I swore I wouldn't make friends again.

She walked into church with her tribe and I knew that thing that  stirred within was good as well as painful.I stayed away but couldn't for long. 2 years later, a month ago I said good bye. I stop by the  covered drum set at church  every week and say hi.

She was in a brides gown , as she welcomed me to this new country. I just arrived from Kuwait that morning.

She sat with her new born as I visited her for the first time, tagging along with my husband.

She sat at the piano in the dark corner in church.

All these women and more have  added to my life. Have played out their purpose in my life. Some continue to, for which I am thankful.

Blueberry picking

A wonderful Saturday, with a typical Dutch weather, where it plays the guessing game of drizzles and light showers. We decided that today was the day to go blueberry picking. Never done it before but was so looking forward to doing it. Especially after reading about it in Shauna Niequist's "Bread and Wine". She, as a child would pick blueberries during the holidays and her mum would freeze it using it throughout the year making blueberry crumble every Sunday.(Don't hold me on the exact details... The book is with another friend... so I can't check for confirmation).

And of course I had to make sure there was a crowd to do the picking. With 4 families and kids each having their own bucket. We and them, raced through rows of blueberry shrubs in the beginning, eager to gather the most and the best.

The kids later decided to pool all their pickings into one bucket and pick together. The women slowed down and went through every shrub picking those that felt right. We were quiet and there were less conversations. Blueberry picking can be quite the focus creator. Fixing our attention to the picking and focusing on a conversation to the self or God.

There were drizzles of rains coming and going. I continued to pick as others left to weigh their buckets and prepare to leave.The distant chatter of kids and the silence surrounding me nestled among these shrubs that were my height. Making it quite easy to spot and pick them. Sliding through branches to reach bunches that were hidden from the previous mad rush of people, turned me into an expert at blueberry picking.

I have been hearing from a few people over the weeks" The harvest is plenty ,but the workers are few".
It echoed in my head as I carried on.

Blueberry Crumb Cake

(Taken from www.marthastewart.com)

Tossing the blueberries with a bit of flour keeps them from sinking during baking. When making streusel, squeeze the mixture into large crumbs so it forms a crisp topping as it bakes instead of melting into the batter.

INGREDIENTS

FOR THE STREUSEL TOPPING

• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup packed light-brown sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) cold unsalted butter

FOR THE CAKE

• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened, plus more for pan
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled), plus more for pan
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon allspice
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 large egg
• 2/3 cup low-fat buttermilk, well shaken
• 1 1/2 cups blueberries
• Confectioners' sugar, for dusting

DIRECTIONS

1. STEP 1

   Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Make streusel topping: In a medium bowl, stir together flour, brown sugar, and salt. Cut in the butter using your hands or a pastry blender until large, moist crumbs form. Chill.

2. STEP 2

   Butter and flour a 9-inch square baking pan. In a medium bowl, whisk together 1 1/2 cups flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and allspice. In a large bowl, beat the butter and granulated sugar with an electric mixer until fluffy. Add egg; beat well. Add flour mixture and buttermilk alternately until just combined. (Batter will be very stiff.) In a large bowl, toss the blueberries with remaining teaspoon flour. Fold blueberries into the batter; spoon into prepared pan.

3. STEP 3

   Sprinkle cake with streusel topping. Bake until golden brown and a tester comes out clean, 45 to 50 minutes. Let cool completely. Dust with confectioners' sugar before cutting into squares.